My parents marriage and my upbringing taught me a couple of important concepts that I try to use in my marriage. I lot I learned by observation, but I obviously talk with my parents a lot too and have picked up a couple of ideas they think help make for a happy marriage. I most definitely feel that every marriage is different and unique, but there are some things everyone should keep in mind.
Communication is key. This is probably the biggest thing for a marriage and relationship. If the other person doesn't know you are mad at them or why you are mad at them, that helps no one. You will have problems if you don't talk about it. I'm not saying right away, since talking in the heat of the moment doesn't always help, but make sure you talk about it. Positive communication is key as well. Everyone appreciates a "Thanks" and "I love you". Talk to each other about what you like too, it makes it easier to talk about the things you don't like.
I have seen marriages end and people break up because they just won't talk to each other. If you are afraid to be talk about what you need to with each other, then you are not in the right relationship to begin with.
Spend time together, just the two of you. My parents did a great job of making sure they took time for their marriage. My parents loved my sister and I to death, but they still needed time to themselves. I didn't really acknowledge that when I was younger; Goosie and I would protest my parents leaving us at home with a babysitter or just alone when I was old enough to watch us. After a couple years I realized why they needed time and why it was so important. If the parents are happy and in love, then it works out for the best interest of the whole family.
Marriage takes a lot of work. My parents have always been an amazing couple, but they are both very different people and sometimes do things differently than the other person would like. They were not and are not 100% happy all of the time. That is entirely unrealistic. But they work at it. They make sure they apologize. They go out of their way to do something for each other. They work for their marriage. Maybe work isn't the right word, but they do put in the effort because they love each other and they want to be together.
It is important to have your own lives too. My parents have always had a couple of things they do on their own with their own friends. My dad did and does sports. My mom spends time with her sister or friends from work. You need to have your own activities and be your own person. It is never good to be dependent on anyone or anything else to define who you are. My dad also always taught my that balance is important, and that can mean balancing time for yourself, your friends and your spouse.
Just a couple great things I learned from such great parents! The first four months have gone well and I look forward to the years to come. :)
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