Sunday, November 13, 2011

Self vs. House

I have been realizing that my perfectionist tendencies I harbored all of my life but tried to put in check during high school and college are beginning to come out again with my house.

I am ridiculously in love with my house. I love that it is ours and I just love the intricacies of it. I know it is not itself perfect (need to fix a couple blinds, the water heater is dying, etc.) but it is pretty much perfect for us.

To me, my house is a way for me to express my style, show people what I care about, and to give me a past time. Obviously my house is much more than this--it is my home, it gives me shelter, it is where we will raise our kids, and all of that, which is really what matters, but this blog is about the first part--the image and the material part.

I love decorating (obviously) and now that our house has been arranged due to my cousin and his girlfriend moving out (I will show you more on that shortly), it is another level of self-imposed urgency to fill it back up and make it perfect.

I think it is good to have pride in my house and to want to have pride in my decorating, but I really need to keep it in check because 1) financially we clearly didn't win any lottery and we do not have unlimited funds for me to furnish and decorate and 2) because it doesn't really matter.

#1 is the practical reason and #2 is what I need to really accept.

1) Dylan and I have been discussing finances these last couple days and once I finally get a normal paycheck (for a normal pay period with all of my normal deductions) and Dylan gets his new paycheck with his raise, we will finally sit down and make a budget. I am always quite aware of where everything is financially, but we have a couple goals in mind and want to make sure we achieve them. Dylan also informed me that once we start trying to conceive he will be going into full-on save mode. There will be no more sizable purchases of furniture or items to decorate with after that. That had two effects on me: 1) it makes me want to be even more money conscious about what things I do buy so I can get the most bang for my decorating buck and 2) it makes me want to get as many of my projects done as possible.

2) It really doesn't matter. I am only 23 and the fact that I own a large house that I plan on living in for basically ever already puts me way ahead of the curve, even with Dylan being 3 years older, he is ahead of the curve. No one expects me to have a fully furnished and exquisitely decorated house; in fact no one will probably ever have that expectation of me.  But I do have that self expectation and desire and that is what I need to let go of a little bit.

They always say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Well I know I have a problem. It really does usually come in phases, and with the roommates moving out that was a big catalyst.

I literally have lists of what I want to do with the house (I actually need to update those lists a bit and consolidate them... speaking of which...). Please note that I said want. There were a couple things we really needed (like the end table and lamp we bought at IKEA Friday night for a total of $23 since our roommates took theirs with them when they moved), but I don't think there is really anything else that we NEED for the house right now.

So my plan is to:

Make due with what I have. I can keep plenty busy rearranging my house for the next couple weeks.

Do a lot of searching for what I do want to buy and try to make the best purchase possible. Try to find it cheaper somewhere else.

Make purchases that will last. Buy timeless pieces of furniture. Buy items that can have multiple uses.

I know it won't happen over night, but I will work to just let it go and love my house for what it already has and not all of the things I want to do to it.

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